Day 1555

Last night, at about 3 a.m., one of the puppies started barking. Believing he had awakened and was bored, I listened for any sign of distress. Deciding it was simply a ploy to be released from the kennel, I tried to go back to sleep. Sporadically, there would be a few more barks, but it seemed to be calming down. It was around 5 a. m., when the barking became more insistent. Sure enough, they had needed their Mama and I, remembering back to the days of my human twins, had made the choice to let them “cry a bit” before swooping in to the rescue. Hank had lost part of his dinner and was desperate to get outside. Both pups really needed me and I had let them down. There were tears in my eyes as they frantically greeted me. It was if they were both saying, “Don’t worry! We will always love you!”

Letting people down is one of my worst fears. My heart wants to be there for everyone who needs me, but there are times when I fail. My desire to make kind decisions probably harkens back to my childhood when my dear father would react to a choice I’d made with a sad shake of his head and the comment, “I am disappointed with your decision.” Those words would reduce me to tears and create a strong desire to right my bad choices.

This morning was spent with all five of the boys, but mostly Hank. He forgave me the moment I opened the kennel door… now to forgive myself. That is sometimes the hardest thing to do. Perhaps we all need to be a little kinder to our own hearts now-and-then. The tendency to berate myself, long after others have forgotten all the fuss, is a work in progress. If I need a reminder, I will just look into the eyes of the nearest Golden…if they love me like that, who am I to say they are wrong?